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Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half
of the people are right more than half of the time.
-- E.B. White
Horngren's Observation:
Among economists, the real world is often a special case.
Never trust an operating system you don't have sources for. ;-)
-- Unknown source
INTERPRETER:
One who enables two persons of different languages to understand
each other by repeating to each what it would have been to the
interpreter's advantage for the other to have said.
"I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it
scattered around the beaches of the world ... Perhaps you've seen it.
-- Steven Wright
Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest
way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless.
-- Sinclair Lewis
LIFE:
Learning about people the hard way -- by being one.
Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.
-- John Kenneth Galbraith
Flugg's Law:
When you need to knock on wood is when you realize that the
world is composed of vinyl, naugahyde and aluminum.
hardware, n:
The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
-- P. Erdos
If life is merely a joke, the question
still remains: for whose amusement?
Electrocution, n.:
Burning at the stake with all the modern improvements.
Vail's Second Axiom:
The amount of work to be done increases in proportion to the
amount of work already completed.
The odds are a million to one against your being one in a million.
If the Earth could be made to rotate twice as fast, managers would
get twice as much done. If the Earth could be made to rotate twenty
times as fast, everyone else would get twice as much done since all
the managers would fly off.
There are many highly successful businesses in the United States.
There are also many highly paid executives. The policy is not to
intermingle the two.
After the year 2015, there will be no airplane crashes. There will
be no takeoffs either, because electronics will occupy 100 percent
of every airplane's weight.
The last 10 percent of performance generates one-third of the cost
and two-thirds of the problems.
-- Norman Augustine
Art is either plagiarism or revolution.
-- Paul Gauguin
A fool-proof method for sculpting an elephant: first, get a huge block
of marble; then you chip away everything that doesn't look like an
elephant.
I drink to make other people interesting.
-- George Jean Nathan
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too
dark to read.
-- Groucho Marx
XXVI:
If a sufficient number of management layers are superimposed on each
other, it can be assured that disaster is not left to chance.
XXVII:
Rank does not intimidate hardware. Neither does the lack of rank.
XXVIII:
It is better to be the reorganizer than the reorganizee.
XXIX:
Executives who do not produce successful results hold on to their
jobs only about five years. Those who produce effective results
hang on about half a decade.
XXX:
By the time the people asking the questions are ready for the answers,
the people doing the work have lost track of the questions.
-- Norman Augustine
How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
A programming language is low level
when its programs require attention to the irrelevant.
1: Do it yourself.
2: Hire someone to do it for you.
3: Forbid your kids to do it.
Time is an illusion perpetrated by the manufacturers of space.
It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice
versa.
In the begining, God created the Earth and he said, "Let there be
mud."
And there was mud.
And God said, "Let Us make living creatures out of mud, so the mud
can see what we have done."
And God created every living creature that now moveth, and one was
man. Mud-as-man alone could speak.
"What is the purpose of all this?" man asked politely.
"Everything must have a purpose?" asked God.
"Certainly," said man.
"Then I leave it to you to think of one for all of this," said God.
And He went away.
-- Kurt Vonnegut, Between Time and Timbuktu"
LIFE:
A whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.
"I'm prepared for all emergencies but totally unprepared for everyday
life."
Law of Selective Gravity:
An object will fall so as to do the most damage.
Jenning's Corollary:
The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side
down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
Law of the Perversity of Nature:
You cannot determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
Do not try to solve all life's problems at once -- learn to dread each
day as it comes.
-- Donald Kaul
Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not
become a monster. And when you look into an abyss, the abyss also looks
into you.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche
Nicholas Petreley's First Law of Computer Trade Journalism:
"No technology exists until Microsoft invents it.
Please do not look directly into laser with remaining eye.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
-- Isaac Asimov
Kafka's Law:
In the fight between you and the world, back the world.
-- Franz Kafka, "RS's 1974 Expectation of Days"
Only the hypocrite is really rotten to the core.
-- Hannah Arendt
1: If Nerd on the planet Nutley starts out in his spaceship at 20 KPH,
and his speed doubles every 3.2 seconds, how long will it be before
he exceeds the speed of light? How long will it be before the
Galactic Patrol picks up the pieces of his spaceship?
2: If Roger Rowdy wrecks his car every week, and each week he breaks
twice as many bones as before, how long will it be before he breaks
every bone in his body? How long will it be before they cut off
his insurance? Where does he get a new car every week?
3: If Johnson drinks one beer the first hour (slow start), four beers
the next hour, nine beers the next, etc., and stacks the cans in
a pyramid, how soon will Johnson's pyramid be larger than King
Tut's? When will it fall on him? Will he notice?
There are three schools of magic. One: State a tautology, then ring the
changes on its corollaries; that's philosophy. Two: Record many facts.
Try to find a pattern. Then make a wrong guess at the next fact; that's
science. Three: Be aware that you live in a malevolent Universe controlled
by Murphy's Law, sometimes offset by Brewster's Factor; that's engineering.
+#if defined(__alpha__) && defined(CONFIG_PCI)
+ /*
+ * The meaning of life, the universe, and everything. Plus
+ * this makes the year come out right.
+ */
+ year -= 42;
+#endif
-- From the patch for 1.3.2: (kernel/time.c), submitted by Marcus Meissner
Scientists were preparing an experiment to ask the ultimate question.
They had worked for months gathering one each of every computer that
was built. Finally the big day was at hand. All the computers were
linked together. They asked the question, "Is there a God?". Lights
started blinking, flashing and blinking some more. Suddenly, there
was a loud crash, and a bolt of lightning came down from the sky,
struck the computers, and welded all the connections permanently
together. "There is now", came the reply.
Correspondence Corollary:
An experiment may be considered a success if no more than half
your data must be discarded to obtain correspondence with your theory.
After this was written there appeared a remarkable posthumous memoir that
throws some doubt on Millikan's leading role in these experiments. Harvey
Fletcher (1884-1981), who was a graduate student at the University of Chicago,
at Millikan's suggestion worked on the measurement of electronic charge for
his doctoral thesis, and co-authored some of the early papers on this subject
with Millikan. Fletcher left a manuscript with a friend with instructions
that it be published after his death; the manuscript was published in
Physics Today, June 1982, page 43. In it, Fletcher claims that he was the
first to do the experiment with oil drops, was the first to measure charges on
single droplets, and may have been the first to suggest the use of oil.
According to Fletcher, he had expected to be co-authored with Millikan on
the crucial first article announcing the measurement of the electronic
charge, but was talked out of this by Millikan.
-- Steven Weinberg, "The Discovery of Subatomic Particles"
Robert Millikan is generally credited with making the first really
precise measurement of the charge on an electron and was awarded the
Nobel Prize in 1923.
Psychologists think they're experimental psychologists.
Experimental psychologists think they're biologists.
Biologists think they're biochemists.
Biochemists think they're chemists.
Chemists think they're physical chemists.
Physical chemists think they're physicists.
Physicists think they're theoretical physicists.
Theoretical physicists think they're mathematicians.
Mathematicians think they're metamathematicians.
Metamathematicians think they're philosophers.
Philosophers think they're gods.
My God, I'm depressed! Here I am, a computer with a mind a thousand times
as powerful as yours, doing nothing but cranking out fortunes and sending
mail about softball games. And I've got this pain right through my ALU.
I've asked for it to be replaced, but nobody ever listens. I think it
would be better for us both if you were to just log out again.
A Mexican newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force pilots stationed
on the Falkland Islands have devised what they consider a marvelous new
game. Noting that the local penguins are fascinated by airplanes, the
pilots search out a beach where the birds are gathered and fly slowly
along it at the water's edge. Perhaps ten thousand penguins turn their
heads in unison watching the planes go by, and when the pilots turn
around and fly back, the birds turn their heads in the opposite
direction, like spectators at a slow-motion tennis match. Then, the
paper reports, "The pilots fly out to sea and directly to the penguin
colony and overfly it. Heads go up, up, up, and ten thousand penguins
fall over gently onto their backs.
-- Audobon Society Magazine
How many seconds are there in a year? If I tell you there are
3.155 x 10^7, you won't even try to remember it. On the other hand, who
could forget that, to within half a percent, pi seconds is a nanocentury.
-- Tom Duff, Bell Labs
Decisions of the judges will be final unless shouted down by a really
overwhelming majority of the crowd present. Abusive and obscene
language may not be used by contestants when addressing members of the
judging panel, or, conversely, by members of the judging panel when
addressing contestants (unless struck by a boomerang).
-- Mudgeeraba Creek Emu-Riding and Boomerang-Throwing
Assoc.
Space tells matter how to move and matter tells space how to curve.
-- Wheeler
Take your dying with some seriousness, however. Laughing on the way to
your execution is not generally understood by less advanced life forms,
and they'll call you crazy.
-- "Messiah's Handbook: Reminders for the Advanced Soul"
Symptom: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction, beer is
unusually pale and clear.
Problem: Glass empty.
Action Required: Find someone who will buy you another beer.
Symptom: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction,
and the front of your shirt is wet.
Fault: Mouth not open when drinking or glass applied to
wrong part of face.
Action Required: Buy another beer and practice in front of mirror.
Drink as many as needed to perfect drinking technique.
Symptom: Floor swaying.
Fault: Excessive air turbulence, perhaps due to air-hockey
game in progress.
Action Required: Insert broom handle down back of jacket.
Symptom: Everything has gone dim, strange taste of peanuts
and pretzels or cigarette butts in mouth.
Fault: You have fallen forward.
Action Required: See above.
Symptom: Opposite wall covered with acoustic tile and several
flourescent light strips.
Fault: You have fallen over backward.
Action Required: If your glass is full and no one is standing on your
drinking arm, stay put. If not, get someone to help
you get up, lash yourself to bar.
-- Bar Troubleshooting
Sex without class consciousness cannot give satisfaction, even if it is
repeated until infinity.
-- Aldo Brandirali (Secretary of the Italian Marxist-Leninist
Party), in a manual of the party's official sex guidelines,
1973.
THEORY:
System of ideas meant to explain something, chosen with a view to
originality, controversialism, incomprehensibility, and how good
it will look in print.
Around computers it is difficult to find the correct unit of time to
measure progress. Some cathedrals took a century to complete. Can you
imagine the grandeur and scope of a program that would take as long?
-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
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A sheet of paper crossed my desk the other day and as I read it,
realization of a basic truth came over me. So simple! So obvious we couldn't
see it. John Knivlen, Chairman of Polamar Repeater Club, an amateur radio
group, had discovered how IC circuits work. He says that smoke is the thing
that makes ICs work because every time you let the smoke out of an IC circuit,
it stops working. He claims to have verified this with thorough testing.
I was flabbergasted! Of course! Smoke makes all things electrical
work. Remember the last time smoke escaped from your Lucas voltage regulator
Didn't it quit working? I sat and smiled like an idiot as more of the truth
dawned. It's the wiring harness that carries the smoke from one device to
another in your Mini, MG or Jag. And when the harness springs a leak, it lets
the smoke out of everything at once, and then nothing works. The starter motor
requires large quantities of smoke to operate properly, and that's why the wire
going to it is so large.
Feeling very smug, I continued to expand my hypothesis. Why are Lucas
electronics more likely to leak than say Bosch? Hmmm... Aha!!! Lucas is
British, and all things British leak! British convertible tops leak water,
British engines leak oil, British displacer units leak hydrostatic fluid, and
I might add Brititsh tires leak air, and the British defense unit leaks
secrets... so naturally British electronics leak smoke.
-- Jack Banton, PCC Automotive Electrical School
Indo para Brooklyn
A moça próxima a você no metrô lhe diz,
"Drogas podem ser suas amigas!"
Indo para Bronx
Você escuta alguém tocando `Legalize Já` por Planet Hemp
Viciados estão comprando Ópio a preços ridículos!
"A medicina, em meu país, está tão avançada que nós podemos retirar o cérebro de um homem,
colocá-lo em outro homem, e fazer com que, em seis semanas, ele já esteja procurando
emprego."
"Isto não é nada. Nós podemos retirar o cérebro de uma pessoa, colocá-lo em outra, e fazer com
que, em quatro semanas, ela esteja se preparando para a guerra."
"Vocês, meus caros, estão muito atrás. Nós, recentemente, retiramos um homem sem cérebro, do
Texas, conseguimos colocá-lo na Casa Branca, e, agora, temos a metade do país procurando
emprego e a outra metade se preparando para a guerra."
Chocolate de menta: escove os dentes e em seguida mastigue uma barra
Randomly Generated Tagline:
"Any sufficiently perverted technology is indistinguishable from Perl."
- Unknown
A galinha e apenas o meio que o ovo encontrou para produzir outro ovo.
-- Samuel Butler
"Às vezes você está vivendo um momento que entra para a história, mas está do lado errado."
-- Mario "Macora" Castillo
http://www1.folha.uol.com.br/esporte/folhanacopa/2014/07/1483578-selecao-que-levou-a-maior-goleada-das-copas-diz-que-brasil-foi-pior.shtml
Human beings can't keep track of the world any more, we have to leave it up to the machines.
A sociedade prepara os crimes e os indivíduos se limitam a executá-los.
a verdade é que os piores inimigos desta época são:
os sujeitos que usam imagens programadas para chupar nossos
olhos como se fossem ovos
-- Lucebert, em Provos, da Coleção Bardena pág. 132
There are only two hard things in Computer Science: cache invalidation and naming things.
-- Phil Karlton
Existe um grande caos abaixo do céu - a situação é excelente.
--- Mao Tsé-Tung:
O operário fez tudo, e o operário pode destruir tudo, porque pode fazer tudo de novo.
A situação desesperada da época em que vivo me enche de esperança.
-- Marx em carta a Ruge
Fracassei em tudo o que tentei na vida.
Tentei alfabetizar as crianças brasileiras, não consegui.
Tente salvar os índios, não consegui.
Tentei fazer uma universidade séria e fracassei.
Tentei fazer o Brasil desenvolver-se autonomamente e fracassei.
Mas os fracassos são minhas vitórias.
Eu detestaria estar no lugar de quem me venceu.
-- Darcy Ribeiro
Sempre permaneça no metanível. Sempre há um metanível acima do qual você se
encontra. Nunca se coloque numa situação na qual você não possa se suicidar.
Ande sempre com sua pílula de cicuta.
--- logoutman
Give me six lines written by the most honest man in the world, and I will find enough in them to hang him.
-- https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Cardinal_Richelieu
Corolário do Araponga:
Talvez menos linhas sejam necessárias para condenar alguém. Talvez apenas com a
citação acima já seria possível condenar o pobre Cardeal Richelieu.
O acúmulo de dados pela vigilância de massa compromete qualquer pessoa em
crimes previstos num entulho jurídico acumulado ao longo de centenas de anos.
It's the oldest question of all, George. Who can spy on the spies?
-- Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy
"My Brain is the key that sets me free."
-- Houdini
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one
persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress
depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw
### Desatualização
Tudo se desatualiza à velocidade da luz. Inclusive a luz.
Toda a tecnologia deve ser substituível por materiais disponíveis no presídio